Getting married is a huge deal. Most couples do everything in their power to make sure their wedding day is absolutely perfect – especially brides. It’s such an important day filled with love and light, and it’s completely understandable that anyone would want to make sure that everything is joyous and overall wonderful.
A 32-year-old woman went to Reddit in May 2022 to share some concerns she had about her July wedding. Everything seemed to be going well except for the fact that her 15-year-old brother wanted to wear a dress on her special day. Although some weddings have dress codes, many people have started to see how people may want to experiment with different styles and how clothes are simply clothes, meaning anyone should be allowed to wear whatever they please.
However, the original poster (OP) said that her brother was only planning on wearing a dress as a way to come out as non-binary, but that it seemed like he didn’t actually believe in that identity. So, OP didn’t want her brother to wear a dress, especially since James, one of her fiancé’s groomsmen, was at the start of his transition. OP’s twin sister, older brother and fiancé, were on her side, but her parents were not. They had always seen the teenager as a golden child and supported any decision he made.
Wanting to keep the peace within her family while also making sure that her wedding ran smoothly, OP turned to Reddit users for their advice, simply asking, “AITA for forbidding my brother from wearing a dress?”
For Illustration Purposes Only (With Models) – istockphoto.com/Motortion
In her post, OP explained how her parents viewed her 15-year-old brother as “the golden child.” She added, “He’s spoiled as hell and a bully to boot but he cries to my parents that everything else is the problem and they believe him.” OP also mentioned that she was concerned about some of the material he looked at online as it was extremely conservative, but his parents said he was just going through a phase and is a “sweet boy.”
“My brother has recently decided to ‘come out’ as non-binary,” OP said. “He is insisting on wearing a dress to the wedding. But… he’s not.”
OP recognized that it wasn’t her place to declare someone’s identity as valid or not, but she knew that her brother was pulling her leg as he always laughed any time he brought up coming out. “He can’t even keep a straight face, he thinks it’s the funniest thing ever,” she said.
James, one of OP’s fiancé’s groomsmen, recently started his transition but still stresses over how he presents to others. “My brother met James at my fiancé’s birthday bbq a few weeks ago and this began a few days after which is another reason I believe that this is a way for him to harass James because he thinks it’s funny,” OP said.
Many of OP’s loved ones viewed the situation just like her and believed that her brother was planning on mocking James. However, OP’s parents wanted to support the teenager and encouraged him to express his identity.
“I’m threatening security to remove him if he goes through with this but that would mean turning my parents away too,” OP said.
For Illustration Purposes Only (With Models) – istockphoto.com/Jaroslav Frank
She added, “One of my friends has said it shouldn’t be as big of a deal as I’m making it and he’ll only embarrass himself but I really think James would be uncomfortable.”
Many Reddit users left comments telling OP that she was right to worry about her brother wearing a dress to her wedding but surprisingly encouraged her to let him do so. One user commented, “Lean into this boy’s game. Go on a big shopping trip and have him try on so many dresses. Make him try on heels and walk around in them.”
Another Redditor said, “I think you should pick your brother’s dress and make him a bridesmaid. Do talk to James and make sure he knows how you feel about your brother and ask if he has any advice or suggestion.”
A third person added, “OK I am loving the leaning in idea. Also talk to James… give him the heads up and make sure he is onboard here. Lastly… calmly talk to your parents when things aren’t heated. Your brother sounds awful and may need some tough love.”
Another user said, “Follow through on security. Having transphobic parents at your wedding who support your brother ruining things would also ruin your wedding.”
OP posted an update in July 2022 and said she went the “lean into it” route. However, she learned that her brother’s friend had dared him to wear a dress all so he could receive a skateboard. He ultimately didn’t wear a dress to the wedding but instigated family drama and was later told to go to therapy or be permanently grounded.
Fortunately, OP said she and her now-husband had “a really good time” at their wedding, “up until the end at least.”
